As I sit here, I realize I am sticking my neck out sharing our story.  Again, some of it is my opinion, some is taken from documentation and some is actual emails sent between myself and people that represent the school district my son attended.  I picked up the local paper yesterday and read the police blotter; a caller reported her son was assaulted on the bus.  You have heard how Colton had been physically hurt at least 3 times while in the care of the school district.  I felt that he was the only one, but now know differently.  I wish they would speak out like I am to make changes, but most people won't.

I was very angry when I left the meeting on March 5th.  Colton would be the one being isolated from his peers when he arrived at school, only be allowed to have one friend be with him during lunch recess and yet the students that hurt him were able to live life normally.  We agreed with the plan because we had no other choices.  We knew that getting a para would not happen, and to let him be with 400+ students in the morning waiting for the first bell would not be a good idea.  Here is a copy of the "plan" emailed to me by the middle school principal.  Sorry for all the black lines and squares, but I must protect the "innocent."

Note right away the statement about a "kid" slamming Colton's locker door shut?  Colton had a problem with another student slamming his locker door shut and it didn't matter if he barely had it open, or if he had his body in the way.  This student also made it a point to say hurtful things to him too.  Shortly after this was reported it stopped.

Number 4 made me laugh.  Open communication?  I documented how many times I tried to contact the school and never received a phone call back.  I was told that "they are not in their office, but will call you back."  I find it strange that the person saying we should communicate is one that did not return my call?  If I called to talk to the principal, guidance counselor, or nurse I usually questioned if they would actually call back. 

I also like the comment that he needs to hear the support of their school at home so he is more likely to trust someone?  I wish they could have heard how many times and the countless hours we spoke to Colton about telling an adult when he had problems.  I took that comment as us just sitting around and bashing the school district for days on end.  We never once attempted to try to help correct the situation Colton was facing and make him feel safe there!  Colton did not feel safe there because he had the right to feel unsafe.  He was being hurt and felt no one was doing anything to correct it.

I sat down with Colton and asked him to please tell me everything that has happened to him at school.  He became very quiet and then he started talking.  I was almost in tears when he was done.  This is a list and does not include the things already mentioned.

1. The student that was reported for slamming his locker shut (his head was slammed in it once) also tell him to shut up when he was talking to his friends.  She told him to "get out of here," pushed his books of his desk, and threatened to push them off.  She also called him fat.

2. In one class another student would accuse him of doing things he didn't do in an attempt to get him into trouble.  In this same class another student called him "dumb," "stupid," and "retard."  When I emailed the teacher, he was not aware of this going on.  Another teacher said he couldn't see these students doing something like that.  (make note of this because I will share information later that will show a pattern)

3.  Yet another student tries kicking him in the hall at least one time every week.

4.  On the bus, a different student harasses him and pulls his hair.

When I asked Colton why he doesn't report these things he told me could not find the words.  His autism doctor couldn't understand why he didn't report these things except that maybe in the past he did try getting help and didn't get any so he gave up.  Colton put up with being called names, being harassed and hurt most of the school year and never said a word. 

In my next post, I will share the words of the school therapist and how it was a problem with "perception."

Would He Do This To Himself?

The end of February and beginning of March was difficult.  The students that hurt Colton did get consequences (a couple days suspension) for their actions, but that didn't change how Colton felt mentally.  He was obviously depressed and fearful. 

March 2, 2012 at approximately 8:00 A.M.

James and I took Colton to school and met with the principal and guidance counselor.  They asked Colton what had happened with the other student and Colton told them that the student followed him into the math classroom.  Once Colton sat down the student grabbed his hair and told him to shut up.  I asked Colton to leave the room.

Both were quick to reassure us this situation would be dealt with and they would take care of it quickly.  Then the principal recommended restricting Colton's movements during recess.  He could go to the media center with a friend.  Either the principal or guidance counselor would walk him from the lunch room to the media center to ensure he was safe.  I then heard the excuse that there are *400+ students and only 31 adults--with that ratio it is hard to watch all of the students all of the time.  I again explained Colton can not communicate when something happens to him and they asked what we do at home.  James brought up the "Circle of Friends" which was supposed to help Colton learn social skills through being around other students that could help him learn proper interactions with others.  I had been told in the fall of this school year and during and IEP meeting at the beginning of the calendar year that this would be implemented.  We were told the school therapist would be instrumental in that.  Then he brought up a name of a student that could be paired up with Colton during recess.  I asked them both to contact Colton's mental health providers with hopes that they actually would call them and maybe get some information that would help them understand an autistic mind.

Colton's mental status was a great concern to us and I managed to get him into his psychiatric nurse practitioner on this day.  I told her that we kept Colton out of school today and she agreed that he was not safe there.  She instructed me to keep him out of school until I could get ahold of his autism doctor.  She also ended up adjusting his medication to help him deal with the anxiety he was now dealing with.  She did share with me the guidance counselor did call her, but she hadn't returned his call yet because of her schedule.

Here is the email I sent to the guidance counselor:

James and talked a lot over the weekend about how Colton would have his movements restricted when the people harming him would be able to move about freely during recess.  It didn't make sense to us.  We also decided to ask for a para to be with him during the school day.

March 5, 2012

I called the district office and set up a meeting with the school superintendent and middle school principal.  The meeting was to be held at 11:30 A.M.  The three of us met and I was told the situation was taken care of by the principal.  I asked for an aide and of course the superintendent said it would take time (translation=no).  Colton was moved to the front row in math class from the back so he could be watched.  All of the teachers were aware of what happened and are watching more.  Colton had been moved to the front row of all of his classes and he would be going to the media center with one or two friends during lunch recess to play a game.  I was told the principal or guidance counselor would walk him to the media center after lunch and that he would be returned to recess with the rest of the students after a week or two.  Colton would go to a classroom after getting off the bus in the morning so he would not be in the gym with the rest of the student and he would end the day in a classroom of a teacher he trusted so he could share anything he needed to before leaving school.  The option was put out he could also leave classes 3 minutes early to avoid having to be in the halls full of students during passing periods.  I requested these things be put in writing and the principal agreed to do so.

I remained very calm this whole time and then the bomb dropped.  The superintendent sat behind his desk.  The principal and I sat in chairs that where side by side in front of the superintendent's desk facing the superintendent.  The principal started speaking and I turned to face him.  He slowly brought his hand up and said "I don't want to offend you, but do you think Colton would hurt himself to get attention?"  First of all, when someone says "I don't want to offend you" that means they are going to offend you.  My brain exploded, but I kept calm knowing he was trying to push my buttons.  I calmly said "no."  I also calmly said he has never hurt himself to get attention and he only has these injuries when he comes home from school.  I also pointed out that students had received consequences for hurting him.  Every time Colton said someone hurt him there was someone involved and they were disciplined.  I was pissed off, but I wouldn't let them know it, because it was probably what they wanted. 

I brought up Colton's attendance and it wasn't a problem.  He had missed a lot of days because of doctor's appointments and now at least two days because of the anxiety and safety concerns we had.  We had given the school doctor's notes and according to school policy they were excused.  Make a mental note of this because it will come up again.

After the meeting I went over the the middle school to pick up Colton's assignments.  I called the school before 8:00 A.M. and they say they have all the assignments there by noon.  I was there at 12:05 and there were only two math worksheets.  None of the other teachers had gotten his assignments turned in.  One teacher did email me later in the day with a spelling word list, but the rest of his work was still at school.  He missed two days of school and even though I attempted to get his work so he could get it done before returning, he couldn't because of their actions.  Now he was stressed about returning to school and getting his work caught up.

*This ratio was used a lot.  I don't know if it was supposed to conjure up sympathy or what.

It Just Keeps Going, and Going

February 29, 2012

Leap year day seemed to be a quiet one after what had gone on the days before.  Colton came home and seemed OK.  He was down, but that had been the norm for some time.  No news is good news, or so we thought.

During lunch recess that day a student with behavior problems locked in on Colton.  The student was following Colton around and screaming as loudly as he could.  Colton is sensitive to loud sounds and would get headaches.  It also caused a great deal of stress for him because his ability to process it overwhelms him.  He tried getting away from the student, but the student kept following him.  Colton admitted that he turned around and said "shut up" to get him to stop.  At some point during recess, the student decided to try to kick Colton, but missed.  Thankfully, another student saw it and told Colton to report it to a teacher which he did.  The teacher told Colton she would speak to the student during her class later in the day.  He did not report this to us.

March 1, 2012

Colton came home from school and was very quiet.  He became upset and verbally lashed out at us over a very small thing.  We knew something was very wrong.  When he had problems at school with others he took it out on us.  We asked questions and he didn't want to answer them. 

We were eating dinner when James said something that made me ill to my stomach.  He wanted to look at Colton's head and wanted me to see it.  My heart broke when I saw his scalp.  I was sick, hurt and angry at the same time.  How could someone do this to my child and how in the hell could adults let this happen? 

James and I were looking at a very defeated child who probably felt like he wanted to die.  James called the guidance counselor at home at 7:00 P.M. and told him what happened at school.  The guidance counselor told James over the phone that he could not see the student doing something like this without provocation. Notice the statement earlier about behavior problem.  Here is the email that was sent to the guidance counselor, principal, school therapist, and blind copied to the school superintendent.

Here are the pictures of Colton's scalp.  We attached photos to the email that was sent.

As you can tell his scalp is red and very raw.  The cause?  The student that followed Colton around the day before screaming and then tried kicking Colton followed him into math class.  When Colton sat down the student grabbed a handful of hair and said "shut up."  Colton did not do anything, say anything or even wince.  No one else knew it happened, because they were the only two in the room at the time.  Colton also admitted that the same student had been bothering him the day before.  The school therapist pulled Colton out of this class and she did not see the red marks and she claims that she did not know anything was wrong that day. 

As you can read by our email, we were very worried about Colton's safety at school and knew things were escalating.  The two students involved in hurting Colton hung out together, so we were not sure if it was retaliation or strange coincidence.  Obviously things were happening at school and it was the cause of the behavior we saw at home.  No one at the school saw a change in him or his behavior during this; at least that was their claim. 

We took Colton to school the next day and spoke with the guidance counselor and principal.  What happens next will be coming up.  It only continued to prove that things could get more crazy.

Happy Birthday to You?

It had seemed that things were quiet at school, but Colton's behavior and demeanor started changing.  We knew something was wrong.  Colton would try to say things were ok, but we could tell something was bothering him and we would have to work at getting him to tell us what it was.  He started complaining about being sick and on a chilly day at the end of February, I received a call from the school nurse stating Colton had been in her office for the third time in an hour and a half.  Each time was a new symptom, but he was not running a fever so they could not release him from school unless I took him to the doctor.  I dropped the shopping I was doing, called his pediatrician and drove the hour to the school to pick him up.  He looked miserable.

The pediatrician checked him over and everything was fine.  I was mad because it meant paying for a doctor's visit when there was nothing wrong with him.  I could tell something was wrong, but it was mental not physical.  Colton was fine after we got home and did well through the weekend.  Monday morning rolled around and he was "sick" again.  He does struggle with anxiety and I started suspecting something was happening at school again. 

On February 27, 2012 I attempted to call the guidance counselor at 7:25 A.M.  I was told he was not in yet, but he would call me when he got there.  The guidance counselor returned my call at 2:26 P.M.  I explained Colton's symptoms, and explained that we thought something was going on at school that needed addressed.  I was told that it would be looked into and the teachers would be asked it they knew of anything or changes in behavior.  Note the time span between when I called and how I was told he would call when he got in.  School dismissed at about 3:25.  He doesn't put in long days, does he?

When Colton came home on the very same day he shared with us that he was hit in the head by another student during English class.  We asked what he did and he admitted he had put his feet on his desk and it slid into this person's arm.  Colton told us it had happened the week before and ever since the other student had been doing things.  James sent emails to the guidance counselor, school therapist, and the teacher who had the class the incident occurred in.  While James was typing, Colton showed me his leg.  He had a two to three inch long, by one inch wide red mark on it.

 

The student that had hit him in the head the Friday before had kicked Colton why they waited for lunch on this day.

 

February 28, 2012

Since my experience with calling and requesting to talk to people at the school usually ended with no returned calls or calls late in the day, I decided trying to email the guidance counselor early in the morning.  He called me at 9:46 A.M.!  The guidance counselor had already spoke to Colton and he did admit to putting his feet on his desk which caused it to slide into the other student's arm.  The other student was caught hitting Colton in the head, but the student denied kicking him at lunch.  The guidance counselor reviewed the video tape from the area they were in and asked other students that were there what happened.  The video showed that the other student kicked Colton.  I was told that the principal would be advised and there would be a consequence. 

 

I had been informed that Colton was told he instigated things that happened to him by pushing the desk into the other student's arm and shouldn't have done it.  Mind you, Colton put his feet on it, and it slid forward on the carpet into the other student's arm.  It was not malicious, it just happened.  The other student had been lashing out at Colton since the incident happened days before.  This came to an end the day we celebrated his 13th birthday. 

 

To be continued...

 

 

"Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.
Doctors group Asperger's syndrome with other conditions that are called autistic spectrum disorders or pervasive developmental disorders. These disorders all involve problems with social skills and communication. Asperger's syndrome is generally thought to be at the milder end of this spectrum"  Taken from the Mayo Clinic website.

A child with Asperger's can be easy to spot.  They may seem quirky, aloof, and just plain odd.  Colton has been labeled as a "quirky" often and we are used to it.  He has a strong love for one interest and he will talk your ear off about it.  He struggles with conversations and what to do around others.  Sometimes he displays the wrong emotion because he isn't sure what emotion is appropriate.  Colton struggles with his peers.  Many times I  have to try to "explain" a social situation to help him work through it.  Kids naturally know what needs to be done to make friends, keep friends and how to interact with others.  Children on the spectrum don't have that ability which makes understanding Autism so important.  A child with Asperger's will often speak the truth or what is on their mind because they lack the filter that neurotypicals have.  If they don't like you, they will tell you.  If your breath stinks they will tell you in a heartbeat without thinking it could hurt your feelings.  A child on the spectrum needs to be taught how to interact with others and many use social stories to do this. 

December 20th and 22nd, 2011
Colton came home and reported he had been poked in the back repeatedly by a student and then days later kicked by the same one.  When we asked what had happened to cause it he said he didn't know.  I sent off an email to the guidance counselor and the teacher that had the class where the poking happened.  The teacher spoke to the student and she admitted to poking him repeatedly with her pencil.  When the teacher asked why she did it, she said Colton made fun of her name.  She told the teacher  she would not act out again, but get an adult.  The teacher spoke to Colton about the "name calling" and Colton told him what he called her.  The teacher also included in the email that Colton did not seem to not know it was bothering her.  The email from the guidance counselor stated he talked to Colton about it and that he did initiate the negative interaction with the other student.  It also stated if Colton is the one consistently starting the issue there will be a consequence.  I will share the horrible name that Colton called this student during class.  It was her given name.  She preferred to go by a nickname.

This interaction with the school only deepened my beliefs.  At least Christmas break was coming up.  As much as kids look forward to breaks, I found myself getting antsy for school to be out, even if it was for a day or two.

Here is a copy of the letter I received from our district's superintendent after Colton was removed from the middle school.  I laughed and was angered at the same time.  I wanted to show what the school district's "stance" was in regards to our situation before sharing the rest of the story.  This letter was the pretty much the end of communications with the district.  The names of the school district and people involved are marked out to protect the "innocent."  Again, this is a copy of the actual letter I received from the superintendent.  I only blacked out names.

 

The letter was supposed to be in response to a letter I sent dated November 14th, 2012 asking for mileage reimbursement and a conversation which took place in the district office on the 19th after I had been threatened by the school principal to be turned over to the county attorney for truancy.  For the record, Colton had not missed enough days to be truant.  I contacted the Nebraska State Department of Education and they told me to contact our county attorney which I did.  The attorney who handles truancy cases did not bother to call me back.

 

There are many "incorrect" statements made throughout this letter.  It starts out with a mysterious follow-up call to him on November 19th.  I obtained copies of our phone records and there were no phone calls made to or coming from the school district office on that day, days before, or after that date.  Another statement made was Colton had problems with "two students" while riding the bus.  One punched Colton in the arm and the other "hit" Colton in the head with her pen several times. 

 

In the third paragraph it was stated Colton suffered in other ways while riding the bus, but the video on the bus nor the driver can not verify my belief.  My concerns were taken seriously.  It also states that the IEP Team ultimately concluded that a para would not be educationally appropriate for Colton.  The team wrote goals for him.  James and I are supposed to by federal law, be a part of that team.  We did not have ANY say!  Members of the IEP team got up and left the meeting before it was half way over!  It also states in this paragraph that while Colton works on issues, he would be transported in a SPED vehicle.  He would then be transitioned back to the school bus with enhanced adult supervision. (This meant that the bus driver would actually pay attention to what is happening behind him?)

 

We refused to allow Colton to ride in the district provided transportation, because it isolated him from other students. A child on the spectrum should be able to participate with other students in normal everyday activities, not be isolated.  The school district did not offer any other options but the one they proposed.  Colton would be in a school vehicle with a medically fragile student who at any time possibly would need to be rushed to the emergency room.  The student was also unable to communicate. We could not see how "the plan" would work.  How would he learn the skills needed for riding the bus when he would not be on the bus until the school felt he learned skills to communicate with the bus driver?  The bus driver failed to do his job which is why we asked for a para for Colton on the bus, yet we were supposed to eventually have him go back on the same bus with the same students and have the same driver not pay attention?  The school made no attempts to offer a different bus route.  I requested a different bus and they did not bother to act on it.

 

James and I transported Colton too and from school and requested mileage reimbursement.  As you can see we were denied. 

 

The last paragraph made me laugh.  "As I was finalizing this letter...", yeah right.  I am sure the copy of our letter to withdraw Colton the day before got his attention.  "Colton was making excellent educational progress..."  Colton's grades were starting to slip because of what was happening at school.  We watched A's and B's start slipping.  We watched him become withdrawn and depressed.  And that last touching piece at the end: "we will miss him at school."  I wonder if a tear was shed while he wrote this?  I doubt it.

 

This letter was the icing on the cake for my son's experience in public school.  We misunderstood, we chose to not do what the school wanted, Colton had issues...There is more to come.  My next entry will go back to December 2011.  This is the time I started documenting everything that happened to Colton.  After I am done it will paint a clear picture of what my child went through and what so many families go through dealing with the "system" that is supposed to "educate" our children. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is the start of yet another new chapter in our lives. A sort of setting free if you will. I want to share what our lives are like in the face of many challenges. Our lives are shaped our past and oh boy, what a story I could tell. Ever since I was young I wanted to write a book and in a way I have done that already. You won't find it in a store or as an e-book though.

My book is found as a multitude of scribbled notes in various notebooks, legal pads and files in my computer. It is in the pictures stored on cd's, in my phone and on paper. It is the letters written, emails sent and received, and the notes scribbled in books. It is saved on an external hard drive at our local school district's office. It is imprinted in my brain and will be there the day I die. It is the life of my son.

As some of you know Colton was removed from our school district to homeschool last November. There were cryptic messages on Facebook and those closest to us understood them. We were keeping things quiet because at the time we were taking legal steps to try to protect his rights to be safe at school, on the bus and to receive an education. We were wrong!

Today I will begin to let it all out. The details of Colton's life trying to get through a day at school and the lack of awareness how Asperger's affects a person's life. This is the story of the hell he lived in and will have to remember the rest of his life. Since we removed Colton, we were told that the school has changed the way they deal with kids that are Autistic. I don't know why they are changing things now.  The damage has been done.

Everything posted is my opinion, but the copies of photos, email's and letters are true to life and not edited in any way. A lawyer we hired saw the same email's, letters and photos that you will see. She heard the recording of an IEP meeting where we asked for help and our requests fell on deaf ears.  She saw the letter the superintendent sent to me after Colton was taken out of school filled with incorrect statements that were either to hide the truth or cover themselves. The government runs our public schools.